Tonight, got home from work and I don't feel like cooking. Boyfriend is out, so I figure a Boca burger and fries sounds like a decent meal with minimal effort. I buy a huge box of burgers from BJs for these occasions. So I reach into the box and all that is in there is the bottom on the box. I even scrape around in case I forgot the way a frozen burger feels and am confused. But nope, it's empty. I have no other easy food in my home. I could go buy something or order take out, but honestly, that really feels like too much work. And I have laundry in the community machine, so, I want to stay on top of that so no one jumps in before I've finished my loads. (Haha, I said load) We have 8 apartments and one washer, one dryer. It can get pretty intense. So, for now I'll eat a few handfuls of bacos and hope boyfriend comes home early enough to bring me dinner. *fingers crossed*
I don't like having the responsibility of making sure I don't run out of things. Having to remember to check how full containers are and how many rolls of toilet paper are left. THEN, remembering to buy more before running out. Being a grown up is hard.
Showing posts with label immaturity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label immaturity. Show all posts
Monday, August 16, 2010
Saturday, July 3, 2010
I think there's something wrong with me
I have this inability to act like an adult. I pay my bills, but, that is pretty much where it ends. No matter how hard I try I can't keep my apartment organized and neat, I can't keep the kitchen stocked, and I can't save money. People all around me are buying houses and having children and I am trolling the internet looking at Re-ment (Japanese miniatures). What is wrong with me? I have no desire to own a house, I love that I don't have to take care of a lawn, shovel snow, fix shit when it breaks. My motto is "It's not my problem". Leaky roof, need a new septic tank, basement flooding? Oh well, it's not my problem, I pay rent and that's where my responsibility ends and I like it that way. Some people see renting as a waste, paying all this money and ending up with nothing to show for it in the end. I see it as paying someone to do all the worrying for me, this way I don't have to worry about wells, furnaces, and termites. Maybe I need to get a landlord for the other aspects of my life, someone who will worry about and take care of my retirement, refilling prescriptions, and making sure my laundry has been done BEFORE I run out of underwear. I need to really think about this, this might be the most brilliant idea I've ever had. Of course, that means I need to write and ad and interview people and that sounds like a lot of work soooooooo it's probably no going to happen.
And then there is the subject of children. I am truly torn on this. I really like my life. I am selfish. Not in the I don't share and think about others kind of way, but, I like sleeping in on days off, I like going to the movies during the week, eating popcorn for dinner and don't want to sacrifice those things kind of way. Having kids means making changes and sacrifices and I don't want to do that right now. Will I always feel like this? I don't know. But, I also think about the issues my guy and I have and really don't want to be the source of blame when our kids become neurotic messes with high cholesterol, migraines, obesity, arthritis and asthma (amongst other possibilities). (And I'm not telling you who's family contributes which wonderful maladies.) My guy and I have discussed it and we're okay adopting later on if we decide we what to expand our family and I'm not saying that this child won't have problems, but, at least I won't be to blame. (Just don't tell his folks that we might never give them grandkids, natural or otherwise, because I'm pretty sure they might suffer a stroke.)
As far as my daily responsibilities I just find them too boring or too overwhelming, so, I try to ignore them. The thought of having to decide what I will want to eat for the entire week and then buying it all at once is just too much for me. I can't handle the pressure of it. I did direct deposit so I wouldn't have to worry about going to the bank every payday. Most of my bills are automatic pay so I don't need to remember what date what bill is due. I opened my date book yesterday to make a doctor's appointment and I haven't checked or updated it since March!
Basically I'm a twelve year old who gets to live the life of a thirty year old and the results aren't always pretty. But, my mom can rest easy knowing that I'm not running with scissors, sticking things into outlets or eating cake and candy for breakfast (at least not on a regular basis for the last thing). I survive because that's what I do and I have a blast doing it. My apartment is Neverland. From Peter Pan, not Micheal Jackson's "ranch".
And btw... my boyfriend loves me for who I am and assures me that the world is not judging me on my housekeeping abilities, financial discipline, and ability to make a gourmet meal after working a 10 hour day. No matter how much I fear this to be true and beat up on myself for it. Most days I feel inadequate and defective. Maybe stunted is the correct term. Either way, am I the only person who lives and feels this way? Because I'm starting to feel more and more left behind.
And then there is the subject of children. I am truly torn on this. I really like my life. I am selfish. Not in the I don't share and think about others kind of way, but, I like sleeping in on days off, I like going to the movies during the week, eating popcorn for dinner and don't want to sacrifice those things kind of way. Having kids means making changes and sacrifices and I don't want to do that right now. Will I always feel like this? I don't know. But, I also think about the issues my guy and I have and really don't want to be the source of blame when our kids become neurotic messes with high cholesterol, migraines, obesity, arthritis and asthma (amongst other possibilities). (And I'm not telling you who's family contributes which wonderful maladies.) My guy and I have discussed it and we're okay adopting later on if we decide we what to expand our family and I'm not saying that this child won't have problems, but, at least I won't be to blame. (Just don't tell his folks that we might never give them grandkids, natural or otherwise, because I'm pretty sure they might suffer a stroke.)
As far as my daily responsibilities I just find them too boring or too overwhelming, so, I try to ignore them. The thought of having to decide what I will want to eat for the entire week and then buying it all at once is just too much for me. I can't handle the pressure of it. I did direct deposit so I wouldn't have to worry about going to the bank every payday. Most of my bills are automatic pay so I don't need to remember what date what bill is due. I opened my date book yesterday to make a doctor's appointment and I haven't checked or updated it since March!
Basically I'm a twelve year old who gets to live the life of a thirty year old and the results aren't always pretty. But, my mom can rest easy knowing that I'm not running with scissors, sticking things into outlets or eating cake and candy for breakfast (at least not on a regular basis for the last thing). I survive because that's what I do and I have a blast doing it. My apartment is Neverland. From Peter Pan, not Micheal Jackson's "ranch".
And btw... my boyfriend loves me for who I am and assures me that the world is not judging me on my housekeeping abilities, financial discipline, and ability to make a gourmet meal after working a 10 hour day. No matter how much I fear this to be true and beat up on myself for it. Most days I feel inadequate and defective. Maybe stunted is the correct term. Either way, am I the only person who lives and feels this way? Because I'm starting to feel more and more left behind.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
A night in the life of me
So, the boyfriend thinks he's a funny guy. And actually he is, he is also a pretty decent actor as well. The combination of these two attributes means that my life is one prank after another.
Last night the boyfriend thought it would be funny to hide the laptop on his side of the bed and once I was drifting of to sleep to play a track of ghost/haunting sounds. There were however a couple flaws with his brilliant plan:
1) I sleep so close to the air conditioner I'm practically inside the thing and since its like the cheapest one available it similar to having a jet liner taking off in the room. Anyway, so when he starts playing his spooky sounds I can barely hear them and I don't know they are supposed to be spooky. It sounded like one of the neighbors watching tv.
2) I can be a pretty awful person when I'm tired. I don't go around kicking puppies or anything ,but, I certainly could be considered less than pleasant. So, when he keeps asking me over and over again if I "hear that" I start to get more and more annoyed. I am more than happy to ignore it and go back to sleep.
That makes for a pretty lame prank, so, he needs to kick it up a notch. Now he is so frightened that he is plastered up against me, faking a panic attack too afraid to move. I get up, turn off the air conditioner and look out the window. Of course I don't see anything, however, now I can hear the noises. I walk over turn on the light and dingbat decides this is a good time to pass out from fright and start laughing because it was all a big, hilarious rouse.
I tell him he's not funny and I'm going back to bed. Now he wants to discuss the joke and how scared he made me. When I tell him not at all he starts talking about Freddy Krueger and singing that creepy song in a child's voice. I tell him to stop because NOW I'm freaked out and will not be able to go back to sleep. Or turn off the light.
Last night the boyfriend thought it would be funny to hide the laptop on his side of the bed and once I was drifting of to sleep to play a track of ghost/haunting sounds. There were however a couple flaws with his brilliant plan:
1) I sleep so close to the air conditioner I'm practically inside the thing and since its like the cheapest one available it similar to having a jet liner taking off in the room. Anyway, so when he starts playing his spooky sounds I can barely hear them and I don't know they are supposed to be spooky. It sounded like one of the neighbors watching tv.
2) I can be a pretty awful person when I'm tired. I don't go around kicking puppies or anything ,but, I certainly could be considered less than pleasant. So, when he keeps asking me over and over again if I "hear that" I start to get more and more annoyed. I am more than happy to ignore it and go back to sleep.
That makes for a pretty lame prank, so, he needs to kick it up a notch. Now he is so frightened that he is plastered up against me, faking a panic attack too afraid to move. I get up, turn off the air conditioner and look out the window. Of course I don't see anything, however, now I can hear the noises. I walk over turn on the light and dingbat decides this is a good time to pass out from fright and start laughing because it was all a big, hilarious rouse.
I tell him he's not funny and I'm going back to bed. Now he wants to discuss the joke and how scared he made me. When I tell him not at all he starts talking about Freddy Krueger and singing that creepy song in a child's voice. I tell him to stop because NOW I'm freaked out and will not be able to go back to sleep. Or turn off the light.
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